Wow. This blogging funk has gotten out of control! I have felt no real zeal for writing lately and have very little time for it anyway. Plus with the sleep deprived fog I’m in I’m not sure I’ll make any sense anyway. I had forgotten what torture it is to not sleep! Coffee works wonders for sure, but there are days when that doesn’t even work. Homeschooling the four older kids is going really well this year and for that I am thankful! But it is still work. Lots of work. Also, we are building a house and we are all sooooo very excited about that! I can not wait until we can move in and get settled and am so thankful for God’s provision for it! But I can’t say I’m excited to pack up the house we are living in…so I’m just procrastinating on that.
So much going on. So much living and life and fun and joy and frustrations and worries and weariness. Motherhood continues to stretch me in ways I didn’t think were possible. There are so many articles and Facebook statuses about how amazing and wonderful motherhood is. And that is all very true! I still totally believe I am blessed with the best job in the world. But…it is SO hard too. There are days when I really do not like my job. There are days when I start questioning if I’m really meant for this. There are days when I think anyone would do a better job than I am. There are days when I cry in frustration. There are days when I lose my temper. There are days when the responsibility of what I’m doing feels like a heavy weight. There are days when I let the pressure and stress get to me.
But it is in those days and those moments when I am given more grace than I deserve. It is in those days when I see more clearly the work that God still has to do in me. And it is also in those days when I can be most thankful that God doesn’t need a perfect performance from me to love me.
Oh, how He love me!
And it does seem that when I am at my lowest, God blesses me with something unexpected. I have a moment of connection or laughter with a child that so fills my heart I can’t describe it. Or, I actually get a decent night’s sleep (Hallelujah!!). Or I read something in my devotions from God’s Word that gives strength. Those are the moments that make this job so indescribable!
Because motherhood is not pretty.
But it can be beautiful!